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Oh what the hell.   
11:02am 09/07/2008
  You know what blows? Hard? (besides me, when commanded) GETTING LAID OFF.  
Nightmare. Sheer nightmare. Entirely frustrating. Now I'm on the job hunt. Ugh. I've never heard of someone being paid for their sub services, as I suppose it really goes against the true meaning of submission, but every once and a while, I think it'd be nice to be a Dom if only for the possibility of paychecks! Thoroughly irritating!!!
Sorry I've been missing.  Its turning out to be a rough summer.  How are you all? Having lovely summers? Comment and share - cheer me up! 		  
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Migraines   
09:08am 02/07/2008
 

I have been headache central lately.  They say sex is great for headaches - the release of endorphins supposedly combats the pain.  Hmph... That's all fine and dandy, when you can find someone to fuck you.  *grumble grumble*
Alright, so I'm having a bit of a dry spell (and yes, by dry spell, I mean three weeks without).  Some people claim this doesn't even constitute a dry spell, but with the life I lead and have lead, its pretty fucking parched.  I just never know how to meet a Dom! Yikes, I suppose that sentence clears that up:  No, I'm not looking for a quick lay.  Yes, I am looking for a new master.  Ugh.  Never an easy hunt.  I've been interested in this lifestyle since I was 16, active in it since I was 18 - how am I not better at this? I honestly have no idea where to find myself a decent Dom in the New England area... nightmare.  

The headaches make me bitch.

  
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Some fun I had...   
11:04am 29/06/2008
   I truly do wonder what Doms and subs did before the opening and relative popularity of BDSM-themed clubs.  I find they are the mecca of finding a great one night stand, meaning one willing to do all I wish a man to do to me.  Of course, there are always the few who are there simply to gawk, mock, or simply study the lifestyles of those truly intereted in BDSM, but for the most part I find them an excellent place to find myself a male willing to Dominate for the evening.  (If only finding a true Master were so simple...)  Anyway, this is what happened after I attended a BDSM-themed joint in my friend's town last year...

My friend Melissa, one simply fascinated by BDSM (or any other "interesting" sexual practice) knew I was a submissive and suggested we hit up a club in her town Saturday night.  Always excited by an excuse to get dressed up (and to have hot, painful, blissful sex), I jumped at the invite.  Decked out in some of my best (Thigh high black stiletto boots with visible sliver zipper up the back, tight black short-shorts and black corset with white trim, hair down and curled for the occasion), I met modestly dressed Mel at her place.  We jumped in her car and hit the club.
I was sorely (and not in the good way) disappointed by the crowd.  I met some other submissives, also let down by the men at the bar, and we chatted over whiskey, but for the most part I feared my evening was going to be a bust.  Mel, on the other hand, had found herself a nice, vanilla "gentleman" (which, in this case, is a term I loosely use to refer to a very drunk, very young! frat boy) and disappeared with him around 1am.  
With the night coming to a close, I was becoming annoyed I'd wasted any hairspray on the event... until something beyond exciting and arousing happened.  Ordering my final whiskey at last call, I felt a strong but gentle hand at the arc of my elbow.
"I've heard your story..."
Suprised, I spun around a bit too quickly to find a tall, very handsome man dressed in black jeans and a long-sleeved dark grey button down standing a bit too close to me.  Realizing he could have potential (I love direct men..), I slyly responded, "Not all of it, I bet."

Turns out, the nice young women I'd been socializing with earlier in the evening were all his slaves.  He had sent them to the club that evening to find him a perfect match - me.  He found me beautiful, and had already heard I was daring, servile, passionate, and more than willing.  Before too long, we were on our way to a hotel room he had rented near by.  
Upon entering the suite (he was, apparently, quite well off) I found his two other slaves waiting patiently inside.  One, a very very dark, spikey short-haired brunette who was intimidatingly gorgeous, highlighted by her nearly-oddly full mouth and dark eyes, was kneeling a few feet from the door, eyes to the carpet.  She had called herself Nina in the club.  The other, Cindy as I remembered from our encounter, was a red head with suprisingly long, wavy hair (who had the petite stature that would have fit better with Nina's pixie-like attributes).  She was crouched and cramped underneath the desk of the room, clearly in punishment - I could see the swollen, reddened handprints across her pale ass and felt a throb of envy pulse through me.  
Scott, as turn out to be this very forward man's name, took the few steps over to Nina and pet her, caressing from the top of her had to behind her ear, until he was cupping her chin.  He lifted her face and asked "Have you been a behaved little slave?"
"Yes, master," she responded submissively, her slightly deep voice very melodic, like she'd said the words everyday of her life. 
Just then, a whimper came from underneath the desk.  Cindy clearly wasn't happy to be ignored - "Foolish," I instantly thought.  Scott was beside the desk in a moment, and with a hard slap on the top of the desk (startling Cindy and causing her to smack her head) demanded, "Do naughty, dirty little slaves make noise when being punished?!"
"No sir!" She smirked, clearly loving punishment.  My envy began to grow.  
No approving of her insubordinance, Scott took her from under the desk and demanded she kneel on all fours ontop of it.  He politely asked Nina to bring over his crop.  She did so, throwing a look at Cindy, clearly as envious as I.  Cindy had earned herself twenty, ten on her ass and ten across her very large chest.  She was then demanded to kneel at my side, which she did so obendiently.
With Nina kneeling beside him, Scott turned his words to me.  "Have you been a bad young lady, Kendra?"  I appreciated that he recognize me as not his own, as we'd just met, so I responded accordingly.
"Why don't you ask Cindy?"  Taking my hint, he demanded Cindy reach inside my shorts to find just how dripping wet I was.  She barely had to reach, as I'd already begun to drip down my thigh, compromising myself entirely.  Scott demanded she shove her drenched fingers into her mouth and declare how I tasted.  Luckily for me, she enjoyed.  
"So you have been bad..." he teased.  I slowly, carefully took to my knees and looked up at him with my blue eyes.  
"I need to be punished."
He demanded Cindy and Nina remove my clothes delicately, folding them neatly and placing them on the desk.  My boots were to be left on, he made clear, and my soaking wet thong was to be kept wholly in Cindy's mouth, to keep her quiet as still part of her punishment for disobedience I was unaware of.  He was a kind master, I thought, as he asked his slaves if I were acceptable to share their master with for an evening.  They said I most certainly was, upon carefully studying my naked form.  
Scott demanded, more forcefully now, the slaves tie me to the four-post bed with strap clearly brought from home.  Tight, he minded them, Tight.  Before long I was spread-eagle on the bed, entirely unable to move except to life my head.  
"You have to be punished," Scott said, matter of factly.  I was silent. "You have to be punished!" he said much louder.  
I finally caught on, "Yes, sir!" I screamed.  He smiled.  Crop in hand, clearly his favorite of toys, he made a swift motion and the leather collided hard with my nipple.  My body shook, hard with the impact.
"You will stay quiet as long as you can, Kendra."  I nodded.  Again, the crop made contact, this time hard with my abdomen.  I shook again.  Three more times it slashed, faster now, across my abs and breasts.  I stayed silent, savoring the feeling.  After the third fast slap, he slowly, teasingly, dragged the crop down my body to between my thighs.  Soaking the tip with my wetness, he begun again - across my chest, my abs, my thigh.. so fast I coudn't count.  I was still silent, determined to be servile best I could.  
Finally, after I was red and swollen, the crop came down hard between my thighs, causing me to scream out.  He froze.
"Beg for more," he said matter-of-factly.  
I did.  I begged, I screamed for more, tears in my eyes wanting it so hard, so fast, feeling like I'd die to have that crop come across my clit again.  Satisfied, he came down again and again, smiling at my obvious pain and pleasure.  
Done with the crop, he slowly undressed - I was pleasantly suprised to see how large he was at full mast.  Rolling on a condom, he demanded Nina eat me, while Cindy lick and pinch my nipples.  Scott straddled my face and fucked it so hard I could barely breath.  In and out, deeper and deeper I could nearly feel him in my chest.
"Yes, take it you dirty little slut, take it and suck it and love how it feels," he demanded.  And I did, without having even to be told.  He trusted, his pelvis coming hard in contact with my chin and I licked and sucked and gagged on all of him.  
"Enough!" He demanded and Cindy and Nina were off me in a shot.  I begged, I had to come, I had to, it was too much...
He undid my straps, though I did not move.  In a shot he was inside me, sliding with easy because I was so wet - such a dirty, wet slut.  He covered me mouth, and with a fist full of my hair said "You like that? Yes, you do you slut, making my slaves so jealous.  Such a nice pussy, you little slut, you like being fucked don't you?"
"Yes!" I screamed when he realeased my mouth.  Directly after, I shook so hard with orgasm I was dizzy.  He pulled out, and flipped me over and thrust his cock into my ass without warning.  I screamed as I watched Nina and Cindy exchange looks of envy.  He thrust into me so hard tears ran down my cheeks, screaming "Oh your dirty slut, such a good little slut."  
All at once, he pulled out, ripped off the condom, rolled me over and came all over my face, chest, and abs.  Exhausted, he looked to Nina and Cindy. 
"Clean her." He said.  And they did, obediently, with their tongues. 		  
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The musings of a submissive...   
09:20am 29/06/2008
  I've just noted that many of the older readers of my journal no longer post on here either... so sad to see them go!  Hopefully I can make new, supportive, lovely, sexy, dirty, naughty, dominating friends :) As was always my style, I feel some stories are in order from the past three years.  Perhaps we shall start out clean and work out way to dirty, shall we?....
First,  why I disappeared from blogging.  My Master at the time, yes the same as in my final post from back then, unfortunately took the turn down the path my "vanilla" friends always feared a master could.  Directly in correlation with his drinking, although not always, my then-master begun to abuse me outside the bedroom.  Jealousy, of even my best girlfriends who I'd known since I was a child, became a huge problem, and I was hopsitalized at his hands one afternoon sortly after my final post.  I am fine now, but the court proceedings were tedious.  Unfortunately, livejournal took a backseat to what was happening live in my life.  Our sexuality did not become a part of the trial, neither he nor I wanted that or found it pertinent to the case.  A R.O ended the ordeal, which has since been lifted on account of me moving out of the city.  
I stopped posting at that time because I simply could not bring myself to write about what was happening.  The abuse, emotional and physical, the moving away from the city (which broke my heart, but at the point I'm at in my life, was necessary), it was all to tough to share.  It took time to heal, and now I'm willing to look back, and inform you all.
I am now up much further north from NYC, living in the suburbs.  I'm putting myself through school.  

My sex life is still lively, dominated by amazing men, and mother fucking sexy.
And yes, I know a woman who was the victim of domestic violence who is also submissive will be judged.  Judge away:  Its just me.

During one particuarly low segment of the years I've been away, I was so lost I tried my hand at dominating.  Seriously!  I was awful.  It was awful... so not me.  How could I punish someone, when I deserve to be punished?  How could I make someone beg, when all I wanted was to feel the ache of hardwood under my knees and shaking, pleading words falling from my bitten, swollen lips?  How could I whip someone, when I would do Anything to feel that pain and experience the ecstacy of the combination of fear and shame and love and lust and adrenalin and submissiveness and pure sexual energy?  No, it was all wrong.  I will never again put a crop on my hand.  Well, not unless a master tells me to... 
Speaking of which, I'm masterless.  Which always makes me feel like a lost puppy, well, or more appropriately, a lost Kitten.  I feel so purposeless without a master, so useless without serving him fully and wholly with every ounce of my being.  I live to serve, to be punished, to be beaten, bitten, domiated and mastered at the hands of a willing, deserving Man, and I am not ashamed of that.  We all have a purpose, a reason we're here, and while I like to believe I have many, my unparalled ability to serve and serve well is certainly near the top of my list of purposes in this life.  

Its curious:  who would have thought that feeling, being powerless would be the driving powersource, or purpose, of one's life.  

I had one somewhat-serious relationship with a Dom since my last posting, plus a few flings/trials with some here and there, but nothing earth-shaking (knee-shaking... same difference..).  The years did, however, leave me with some lovely stories, which I'll be happy to share in due time.  I'm sure one or two will make it up in posts today.  How I've missed blogging!  
Oh! Another important development in the years I've been away:  I've discovered I'm a writer.  It took me long enough!  But yes, that is certainly the other huge purpose I serve in this life, to write and be read.  I write anything and everything, and it brings me such joy as I hope it does my readers.

Love (and sex, naturally) to all who read,

Kendy.		  
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How long!   
08:54am 29/06/2008
 

I've just spent the last half an hour at work reading through my old journal here on LIvejournal.  How long ago it all seems!  Though, I suppose it all really is, isn't it?  Some of what I wrote I was suprised by, other words impressed by, I didn't know until now that the writing in my journal had such personal style, distinctly me.  I was not surpised by how open, uninhibited, and free I was with divulging to you, my journal friends, my life - that is something that hasn't, and probably will never, change.  I was so young at eighteen! And yet somehow wise, and mature enough that I can say I'm not embarassed.  
First, an apology is in order to all my friends who read my postings.  And thanks, yes they are in order, too.  I am so sorry, so genuinely sorry, for simply falling off the face of the planet, seemingly, and so abuptly ceasing in my posting.  If you worried for me, I am sorry.  Things got tough around the time of my last post (the details of which I'm sure I'll write later) and posting no longer became a priority in my life. I am so sorry for this, not only because some of you worried, but because back then, you were such a support system for me.  You readers were lovely, you were friends in times I needed kind words, and I'm so sorry I took that for granted.  Here come the thanks:  Thank you for being such friends.  I wasn't easy being a heated, driven(, dirty,) submissive at 18 years of age.  You were all so supportive, so thank you all.
My lifestyle has changed in some aspects (new city, new jobs), but not in others (sexual lifestyle).  This, I hope, will excite you more, as more details and tales from my (hopefully interesting) life as a submissive female are on the way!  
Please comment if you've read this entry... I fear I've lost all of my friends on here with my three-year-hiatus.... :(

So much love (and sex)
Kendra.  

PS;  Perhaps a few nights of dominating Kitten will make it up to you all....? :)
(See, not all has changed)

  
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04:08am 11/05/2005
  I got off work late (around 12:30), as usual, and me, Staci, and Elite (<--female) all decided to go grab a drink at "Mark", a trendy but low key bar in town. It's bondaged themed, and thus me and the girls dressed accordingly. I was in my boots w/ the metal spike heels, fishnets, black suede mini w/ red pinstripes, black top and tight suede black jacket. I had a few, but was entirely sober, and was walking home at around 2:30 when Master called. He said I was to go to his house. I protested, saying it was almost 3am and I was blocks away on foot (and the busses were not running, at this time) but he slammed down the phone. I knew I was going to pay for my disobedience later.
I arrived down town at Master's apt. around 3:45, my feet we're killing me from the shoes. I knocked politly and - suprisingly - Master answered instantly. He grabbed me by my hair (which was down) and threw me into the kitchen demanding "strip." I did so and waited, kneeling at my Master's feet, for further orders.
He tightly put my collar around my neck and leashed me up. I noticed his pockets (jeans) were full, but didnt really care at the moment. Master led me out into the hall (I WAS ONLY IN MY SHOES!!) I was mortified and horrified someone would exit their home. He led me to the stair case (which is an open-air case, exposed to the hall of the floor) and had me sit on the 6th step up. I did so. He took my left hand and cuffed it behind me to the rail, and did teh same to the right. He cuffed my legs to each rail on the appropriate side, so i was stretched like a spider web on the stair case.
Although Master's pockets looked empty, he still had one full one. He removed a thin red leather whip -- by far the most painful he owned. Master scolded me loudly (I was so scared he'd wake the neighbors) for my b.s. on the phone, and whipped my stomach and bare chest with every sylable. I bit my touge as not to scream and wake the building.
Soon Master was saying "tonight, you do NOT want me to have you, understand?"
I nodded
"Good, now beg for me to spare you"
Master was on me like a shot, grabbing my face and hair and forcing me to kiss him. He removed his pants quickly (so fast, i was honestly astonished, and wondered if he had help,) and was thrusting in me instantly -- I was hardly wet at the comencement. I screamed, begged for him to stop (although I never wanted it to end) Although, i begged quietly, by his demand, only into his ear, making him harder, longer, and all the better.
He finished, but sadly didnt' cum in me, only on me -- my chest and stomach and face sticky with him.
He uncuffed me and dragged me by my boots back inside, someone was desending the stairs.
He left me in the kitchen and soon returned .		  
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04:00am 11/05/2005
  I've been reading this horrible journal...not that the journal is horrible, but the tale it contains.. =[  
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11:55pm 02/05/2005
  so in all the crazy drama that has been insuing I have started a short-story (which is evolving into a novel). In said story I am writing some [[haha]] 'racey' scenes and would love your input on such.

Here's my inquiry:
Although I know the art, i would love all your advice on handjobs. I need other peoples step-by-step instructions w/ the outcomes listed, please. I shall post the story later


Thanks		  
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Foutain   
08:31pm 25/04/2005
 

Ehhh...you just kinda hope the pain will fade, and when it doesn't, you just don't know what to do.

I've been sitting at the foutain outside the met quiet often, all last night, actually.  I just...don't know. 

  
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Life   
10:40am 21/04/2005
  Life has been so insane...which seems appropriate because it may have driven me insane. I've been in and out of an engagement whilst I was MIA, to the man who I spoke of earlier who proposed - Glenn. It was born to fail. & I should have realized that getting in -- there was so much foreshadowing. He was my HS teacher. It was so wrong and forbidden....and felt so good [in every aspect]. My second Dom ever...the best I'm sure I'll ever have.
It's still to fresh in my mind to say any more about it...I could use support, tho. I will write more later, then the pain fades -- I mean, hell, the bruises from our last night together still haven't vanished.
Half of me wants them gone.
Half of me hopes they'll never fade.
Sadly for the former half, the scars are forever.

Sorry i've been so quiet recently -- more later loves.		  
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new Job   
10:48am 24/02/2005
  My new job has made me so busy I barely have time to breath or blink! I do love it though, so it is entirely worth it. I am newly a bartender, on top of my waitressing gig. A local band has asked me to sing lead, and im seriously considering.
No new men or anything like that. I know: you all expected stories!! I shall have some soon, i promise. Love, Kendy		  
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12:43pm 16/02/2005
  ive been so busy. i to hear a good story. true or fantasy  
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10:57am 14/02/2005
  someone meet me outside the Met tonight at 2:30.

i may show if i can...

*feels mysterious*

...first come first serve		  
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A lonely place   
10:34am 11/02/2005
  The city can be a lonely place, when it wants to be, i suppose. Im not really sure why, i mean, i have a beautiful appartment in manhattan, a decent job, get a great education, but im not fulfilled sometimes. is that selfish? i hope not. anyway, i walked in the park yesterday before work, alone, and suprisingly THATS when i didn't feel so alone. weird?
So i still have marks from the restraints in the beginnig of the week, and my very nice ex-boyfriend Brian saw them at work. He works as a cook in the restuarant, and while I was in the back picking up my orders, he noticed the marks. [ i suppose they could be rather noticable, but it's winter, i'm usually in long sleeves]. He asked, not concerned but curious - and i didn't know what to say. He was pre-D/s lifestyle for me. I said "Oh! God, where the hell did they come from?" and rotated my wrists, examining the 'mysterious' marks. I lied - which bothers me. I am not ashamed of the lifestyle I lead - but why was I so afraid he'd judge it? disown our friendship? it was odd. Are we too harshly criticized for our lifestyle choices?
anyway, my friend Rebecca is over in England on a lil mid-winter-free-for-all, haha. she called last night and is clearly having a blast. She said "i've got about 50 million Morning After Pills in my purse -- half are yours!!" Oh, she makes me happy lol. I don't know what Ill need SO many for, tho. If any girls in the Nyc area are interested in my mailing you some, comment your address if your comfortable. I understand if you consider posting you address on the internet sketchy -- im mildly the same way.
I'm off to stir up trouble ;]		  
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10:53am 10/02/2005
  Work was horriffic last night. My back is killing me-- i was about to bust out around one when this tour bus pulled up....ughhhhhh. Mikey, the bartender, had left, so I had to tend, too. :-/

I think im going to start looking for new partners seriously. I just think Im not being fulfilled -- i need more. more pain		  
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11:07am 09/02/2005
  Saint_Lucifer

heyy...tell me about yourself. And a story...i like to know skills. :] love N sex, Kendy		  
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11:04am 09/02/2005
  see _handcuffs_  
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_?_   
10:44am 08/02/2005
  so i was walking out of work at 12:30ish last night...and Glen was parked outside [Glen= old master/serious boyfriend]. He was parked by the curb, leaning against his car. I was shocked, i hadn't seen him since the highly messy breakup and [of course] i was in no state to see him. He walked over and [!] hugged me and said "Heyy Kendy...How was work?" I was lost. This was so...un-GLen, un-Us, completely un-Us now, and even more so unexpected. I replied...with what respone i dont remember. He asked to drive me home and I complied...i supposed im just so used to doing what Glen told me to.
He drove me home in utter silence, besides the GNR song "Sweet Child O' Mine" playing, and whatever song comes on after that on the 'Appetite for Destruction' CD. He asked to walk me up...
"For what?" I asked quietly.
"Just to walk...promise"
I knew it could have been a lie, but i, again, complied. He held my hand on the way up...i think the first time since...possibly ever. It was so...pure. Emotional-related...very not Glen. Well, not Glen often...he did love me. once...or so i thought.
We go to my door, and i unlocked it and walked in, i turned to close the door and he was on one knee.
"Kendra...will you marry me?"
i was lost...chocking, freaking, living, dying, everything. Oh how i would have loved to hear those words a month ago, how i would have shreaked "YES!" And dropped down to kiss him romantically, and how that romance would have transpired into crazy, kinky, painful, perfect sex later in the evening...oh, for only a month earlier.
I said no. I was calm...i was civil. I've kept you all in teh dark about the break up...it was horrid. Glen was a...monster to me. im a tough girl. very, when i want to be, but nothing could have saved me from our break. We were so perfect, the bond was so tight, the sex was so good, we were too perfect. The sex was too perfect, too amazing, mindblowing, everything. So when it ended...it hurt. I knew i couldn't go back to a man who could do that to me...I couldn't. But it was so hard, he was upset, i think i saw tears in his eyes [enough to make me want to almost say yes] and for the first time ever, i hurt him. i never did want to hurt him, not really..sure, during the break up i did, but it was all false and anger. He was always the one to hurt me. Emotionally ocasionally (and finally) and always in bed. The best kind of pain was the kind he gave me during sex. the best.
But i said no. I was civil, okay, me. He told me he loved me, needed me, and the like, but i couldn't. i cant love a man who can hurt me the way he did. Theres the line, the emotional threshold...and he stomped it. So he's gone...he left, after saying..."I know you'll say yes, you always did." I slammed the door, and layed awake in bed all night.
I was strong. no tears. just...no sleep.

After this post i promised myself not to dwell on last nites events...im going to be me again. im going clubbing tonight, maybe a one night stand, hah, my best friend Eva says its all a girl needs. I doubt that, but hell, I <3 sex....

For those beautiful people who worrie about me here, dont worrie. im doing ok..this was what i needed. im me again. expect hot sex posts soon. <3

comment :]		  
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10:41am 07/02/2005
  *shys away*

*quiet voice*

pssst...guess what...i've stumbled upon someone in the new york area...although i haven't comment/chatted with him at all -- and yet i find him completely intriguing.
& i don't even know his name!
*school girl giggles*
shh!!shh! his username is villageidiotny or something of the sort...he's on my friends list.

oh so i hope he finds me intersting and worthy...he seems so...dominant ;]

*giggles*
y'all keep my lil secret now...and villageidiotny *shy giggles* im sweet, young, blonde, and very very very submissive. i'll do whatever you say, *giggles and begs* Master...		  
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*peeps around corner*   
03:47am 07/02/2005
  so i'm back.

i drove. just drove, and ended up in the jersey shore -- Seaside Heights.

met someone, his name's Mark. He's 24, sweet, dom, dark hair, light eyes, etc. he's fun.

so yeah.		  
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